Ramblings

It Happened Again

It’s been a while since I’ve made a blog post! I’ve been through a lot. You’re never going to believe this…

I have mentioned that I was going to go back in for surgery to have my tubes taken out and also to have the (as my OB called it) deformity from my C-section cut out and repaired. I went in on May 23 to the Kaiser hospital in Irvine to have this done as an outpatient procedure. I was so incredibly nervous! Not so much about the actual surgery—I was excited to have it done—but to be put under anesthesia was terrifying to me. I’ve been put under before and I loved it, but I think because I have kids now I was afraid of not waking up. I can remember crying as I was wheeled into the operating room and then I remember someone asking me what type of music they should play and I responded that I liked Coldplay. Next thing I know I woke up in recovery, surgery went well and I fell back asleep. I felt fine! I had four incisions: three from the tubal ligation and one from my C-section area. This time I was glued shut. I loved the glue because I didn’t have to have any sort of bandage and worry about leaking blood. I slept for the rest of the day and night (I even could sleep on my side) and I was all good!

A few days later I started having fevers and I felt this hard mass above the C-section incision area. It was really uncomfortable and I was in a lot of pain. On May 30 I couldn’t take the fevers anymore, my highest had reached 103 and my sister, Kelly, took me to the ER. There I saw some idiot doctor who sent me in for a chest X-ray (don’t ask why, I don’t know) and gave me a prescription for two antibiotics. Over the next few days I was still in pain and I had this headache that would not go away.

On Sunday, June 4, my headache hurt so bad that I had my mom take me to Urgent Care so I would hopefully get a shot in my butt to relieve my headache (I’ve had it before). So we checked in and went up to the exam room. Before I could even sit on the exam table, I looked down and saw blood on the floor. Immediately I knew and said, “God damn it.” My incision had decided to burst open yet again and blood was pouring out of me. The nurse called the paramedics and I was taken to the Kaiser Irvine hospital. It’s really hard for me to think about this and write this all down. I can remember crying a lot, being in pain, then shutting down and just thinking to myself about how this could happen to me again.

My mom, dad, and Chris came to the ER and stayed with me. I don’t remember the chain of events but while I was there but a couple of doctors opened me back up and poked and prodded inside of me. I had a staph infection and they had to clean it out. I still don’t know why they didn’t numb me or give me some good drugs. Normally I think I’m a pretty good patient. Last year my wound care nurse, Beny, said that I was always so stoic and she didn’t know if I was in pain while she was doing my dressing changes. This was different. I was crying uncontrollably and screaming out in pain. Chris has initially been up by my head and was holding my hand but he had to step out of the room, I think he was crying and didn’t want me to see. And I think my mom did too because I remember that my dad came up and was standing by me and trying to console me. Man, this is really hard to write about…I think this was the most traumatic event of my life. The doctors came in and did this twice. The second time they said they had to stop and get me to surgery because they couldn’t tell if my fascia was intact. I think they said the fascia is the tissue or muscle that was right above my organs. That’s how deep there was digging inside of me. We had to wait forever until a room was available upstairs in the hospital. I was eventually wheeled up there and I stayed up there until about 2:00 am when they took me into the OR (keep in mind I had been there since about 10:00 am).

I came out of surgery gutted and with a Wound Vac attached to me. It’s a negative pressure therapy system that essentially sucks the blood and fluid out of the wound so that your body can heal and come together. They put a piece of foam the size of your wound on you and cover it with this super-duper adhesive tape dressing. It’s like Gorilla Glue tape times a million. Let’s just say that the OR nurses and doctors neglected to shave my lower abdomen and nether regions and when I had to have my dressing changed I was screaming bloody murder and I had blistered from the tape. It’s nothing like having a bikini wax.

I was in the hospital for four days with a continuous stream of IV antibiotics and pain reliever. I was discharged on a Wednesday with instructions to go see Beny again three times a week so she could change out the Wound Vac. Actually it was more complicated than that. They wanted me to come in to the Wound Care center at the hospital but the schedule couldn’t accommodate me. Then they said I could go to the Wound Care at the Anaheim hospital. Right before I left they came and told me, oh never mind. They can’t accommodate you either. WTF?! You just cut me open and now you can’t fit me in?!? So then they wanted to have Home Health Care come to my home but I said no way, not after last year and the fiasco of them never coming. I said that I wanted to go back to Beny. I got in the car and immediately called Beny.

I walked into the Nurse Clinic on that Friday and burst into tears when I saw Beny. I couldn’t believe that I was there again and this was happening to me all over again. Seriously, just when I thought I was all done and that this surgery would be the end of it. That I wouldn’t have to (excuse my lack of better words) shove my incision hole with gauze every day and have it on my mind all the time. Now it was starting all over again. It was like I had another C-section and I was in recovery.

I’ve been seeing Beny for about two weeks now and she said it’s getting much better. I don’t really mind having the Wound Vac attached to me, I don’t have to worry about bandages and making a mess. I just can’t sleep on my side, which sucks, and I have to carry this portable unit around with me at all times. In case you’re wondering, my wound to date is 10 cm long, 3 cm wide and 2 cm deep. Last year it was 10 cm deep!!! So I’m already as excited as I can be about that, haha. It still really hurts and I take ibuprofen and Norco to help. My skin is very sensitive and the tape is just killing me. I’m trying to walk more this time around to help with the healing and I drink a lot of protein shakes. I don’t know what I would do without my family. I’m not supposed to pick up anything over 10 pounds, but it’s hard to not pick up Piper who is way over 10 pounds (the little pudge pot…). Kelly drives me to see Beny and she would take Oliver to school and pick him up. He has a little break before summer school begins so that’s nice for now. My mom and Kelly do everything for me and when Chris comes home from work he helps as well.

This is just so depressing for me though. Thank goodness I’m taking Zoloft. I haven’t really had any suicidal thoughts, except for in the ER when I seriously wanted to die. I’ve seen my Behavioral Health doctor and we’re keeping my medication the same for now, but I’m going in to talk with my therapist this month. I mean, there’s not much else I can do but just keep chugging along. I feel sorry for myself all the time, and then I feel guilty/bad for feeling sorry! I know how these things happen, but seriously…how did this happen again?!?! What horrible luck. Le sigh. Tomorrow is another day!

xx, Chrissy

 

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